bluespirit | Friending

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Friending

I get too emotional & let things upset me too much. I know that - & that's my issue.
I suffer from depression (I had to give up a job I loved because of it) & have to be really careful to insulate myself as best I can from things that will upset me. Some people may think that's cowardly but it's a coping mechanism.
I think I'm going to have to spend less time online & use that time for other things.
If we've grown apart (fandoms/interests change - it happens) or you're only here for certain media posts I might make & those posts may now be ending or you really only want to read my fic or look at my art (it's all posted to my archiving lj:

starshinedreams) or for any other reason - then please don't worry about removing me from your flist.
The whole word 'friending' (or 'defriending') is such an emotional minefield but think of it as a reading list. If you want to take me off your reading list then I won't be offended. In a similar way I think I have to make some cuts to my own reading list in the next few days - nothing drastic but just to give me some breathing room.

*hugs*

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"I get too emotional & let things upset me too much. I know that - & that's my issue. I suffer from depression (I had to give up a job I loved because of it) & have to be really careful to insulate myself as best I can from things that will upset me. Some people may think that's cowardly but it's a coping mechanism."
I understand where you're coming from (fellow sufferer with similar coping mechanism) and there is NOTHING cowardly about recognising your triggers and taking steps to keep your head in a healthy place. *Squishes you* This is a beautifully balanced and honest post and I admire you for it and what it means. <3

Thanks so much, F. It helps to know that you understand how it is.
*hugs*
I think I've just shocked myself by the intensity of my reaction to certain things & it's time to step back a little bit & protect myself.
I'm not leaving lj or anything (I do hope I didn't come across like a big diva or anything because that really wasn't my intent!) I'm just going to spend more time offline & catch up on my writing, etc rather than getting upset over fandom stuff. I want to love John & Rodney & post my fic & art, & read fic & just enjoy it.

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vida-boheme.livejournal.com - 2009-01-11 17:28 (UTC) - Expand

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bluespirit-star.livejournal.com - 2009-01-11 18:15 (UTC) - Expand

*hugs and loves*

Thanks for the email, sweetheart.
*snuggles Mr B*

*hugs and orange fleece* I understand completely.

Oh, thank you! I'm actually wearing my orange fleece right now. ♥

It's interesting that as I was reading your post it was like I was reading something I was saying in my head. I let myself get drawn into things and end up getting hurt. I have to stop and tell myself that I shouldn't get upset, but sometimes there's no way around it. (I had something happen last night that rocked me to the core again and I'm having rethink why I'm even here anymore).

I hope everything is okay, and I know that you and I aren't in the same fandom anymore, and I don't always comment on posts but I still enjoy reading about you and buddy and still miss Rascal. :( But, I understand if you need to make cuts... I should do that again soon, but it's hard.
*hugs*

I know what you mean, sweetheart. I've actually shocked myself by how intensely I've reacted to something in fandom (I literally had no sleep & made myself feel sick with anxiety.) It's made me stop & realise that I need to take a step back. I'm not leaving lj or fandom (& I do hope I didn't sound like a drama queen) but I do need to prioritise my time more.

I know our fandoms have diverged but I enjoy reading your posts too & would like to continue to.
*hugs*

*hugs* Dunno if you saw my post about the recent idiocy or not, but I suspect reasonableness is, as usual, in short supply. As someone has already said, something big is ending and emotions are running way too high. I hope we will always have things in common, being the doggie people we are. I admit my own on line time is sporadic at best due to that thing called work and life in general, but I understand the need to step back deliberately sometimes too.

*more hugs and kisses for Buddy too* Love O. xx

Thanks, O & I enjoy your posts (whenever you can make them) - I love hearing about your boys, especially. ♥
*cuddles for the pups*

I think I've just shocked myself with how much I let things get to me. I'm not leaving fandom or lj or anything that dramatic - but I'm going to step back a little & just concentrate on writing, etc & hopefully get back some of the joy.
*hugs*

I totally understand and won't be at all offended. With the puppy coming next week, I'll be spending less time on line aswell. But I'm going to keep an eye out for Buddy posts nonetheless. Defriend away...it'll all be puppy posts mostly anyway *counts days to Monday*

Aw, thank you - though I'd love for you to stay (for the puppies as well as you.)

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brinian.livejournal.com - 2009-01-12 05:38 (UTC) - Expand

have to be really careful to insulate myself as best I can from things that will upset me. Some people may think that's cowardly

I don't think it's cowardly at all; I think it is perfectly logical and sensible. And I'm sure there are many folk (me included) who do it.

It sounds as though something or someone has upset you in a really bad way and for that I am very sorry.

*Hugs you*

Thanks so much, N.
To be honest it's not so much what happened - but my reaction to it. I actually made myself ill & couldn't sleep. It's given me a shock & made me realise that I need to keep some distance if I'm going to stay emotionally well.
I certainly don't intend to leave lj or fandom - just spend less time online. I want to concentrate more on the writing & art side of my fandom time & regain the joy.
*hugs*

Even if I keep, otherwise, in the background, here I would still like to answer.
Each of us has to fight in the life with difficult times and then needs a time out, all the same of which kind. If it your kind is to be withdrawn from the online life, all the same how long, then is completely in order.
I have myself often enough enough of it use made, partially more than one year. And came back often with more swing than earlier.
Take your time, look around for new one. Even if it should come a new fandom or even quite new interest, besides, out. There is always a step forwards, never to the back.
We will miss you, without question... However, we will be glad all the more if you are better again and we get you again.

Hugs Anja

Oh, thank you!
*hugs*
I still love SGA (I'm besotted with John & Rodney) but I think I need to use my online time more wisely. I want to concentrate on my writing, art, etc & just enjoy that side of it without the drama. Plus reading, of course.
So I'll just be a little less visible for a while, I think.

Some people may think that's cowardly but it's a coping mechanism.
It's not cowardly at all. It's what you have to do. Looking out for yourself is necessary and good. I hope you can distance yourself from the things that upset you.

*hugs*

Thank you!
I just want to enjoy the creative side of fandom - reading great fic, my writing, etc (I still intend to celebrate the wonderful 'Only just begun' fest!) without getting weighed down by my own emotional reactions to other things.
*hugs*

Nothing wrong with cutting yourself off from triggers. LJ and fandom are supposed to be fun, to enrich your life, not strain it. I hope things get better for you.

That's it exactly - & that's what I want to regain.
Thank you.
*hugs*

You just take care of yourself. *hugs*

Thanks, sweetheart.
*hugs*

Take care :)

Thank you. :-)

Hugs + chocolate! You have to take care of yourself. Do what you need to.

Aw, the perfect remedy!
*hugs*
Thank you.

I'm just taking a step back - not going away but I want to spend more time writing, etc.

I'd like to keep you on my list, but not if it adds to your worries. You do what feels right for you. :) *hugula*

Oh, no - of course please stay (& likewise!) You could never be a worry.
*hugs*

I completely understand. *hugs* Take care of yourself, hope you're feeling better soon.

Thank you so, so much.
*hugs*
Maybe a little breather will have more fleece-y fics popping into my head. *g*

You do whatever you need to, sweetheart! I just want you to be happy! *squishes and loves*

Thanks so much. I just need to step back a little - I'm not leaving or anything like that - & sort myself out.
*hugs*

I don't think it is cowardly at all! Hell, I've wanted to do the same on many occasions :-) {{{hugs}}}

Thanks, T.
*hugs*
I want to do something before it gets worse.

I agree that friending and defriending is a minefield - some people get offended from it. So I'd like to say that if you want to defriend me, I won't hold it against you.

I know that with the ending of SGA, I probably diverge in interests from a lot of my flist. To be honest, it was the only fandom I'd ever slash in... I also have new interests these days so I know I won't necessarily interest everyone.

I didn't know that you suffered from depression - to be honest, I always thought that your journal was very uplifting and positive. Unless I'm filtered from it, I always find your posts very positive and lovely - from images of your dog to tales of Mr B and Xanthe and the occasional fic + pics.

As for getting upset, I haven't seen anything from you that isn't as bad some of what I've seen on my flist... and I've read some pretty upsetting posts! I have people on my flist who have threatenned to write to TPTB of SPN because of their dislike of new characters etc... I think you're very down to earth compared to a lot of others' post I've read! :)

Thank you.
No - I don't filter anything. I just try to always be upbeat in my lj (well, as much as is possible.) My depression is so much better than it used to be & is more or less at a plateau now but I still have to be careful; hence me insulating myself away from triggers.
I just need to scale back for a while - but hope to still make posts about my silly Buddy & hopefully post more fic & art as I do them.

just take care of yourself!
*hugs*

Thanks, sweetheart.
*hugs*

Will miss you! *hugs tight*

Aw, thank you.
I don't intend to leave - I'll just be a little more scarce until I get my head sorted out properly.
*hugs*

*sqooshes*

Bless you!
*hugs*

I understand your thinking completely. Take care of yourself, that's what counts. ♥ ♥

Thank you.
I just need to take a step back for a little while - popping in with the fics & art I hope to be creating. :-)

You have to take care of yourself and do what makes you feel comfortable. ♥
*hugs*

Thanks, sweetheart.
*hugs*

Take care of yourself. Everyone will understand your doing what you need to do.

Thank you.
*hugs*

*hugs you gently* My dear, not cowardly at all. In fact, it is admirable that you see that when something is a problem for you and you are taking steps to correct that before it becomes too big for to handle. YOU are what's important after all and I pray you take care of yourself and whatever has happened to cause this shift in your usually bright and sunny mood will soon pass.

I do not intend to remove you from my list, but if for some reason you need to, I will understand if you remove me.

Take care, love. ♥

Thanks, sweetheart (& no - I really hope we can stay friended, if you don't mind.)
I don't want to leave lj or fandom because I love SGA so much. I just need to spend more time enjoying it - reading, writing, etc - & not stressing over things.

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neevebrody.livejournal.com - 2009-01-11 19:24 (UTC) - Expand

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bluespirit-star.livejournal.com - 2009-01-13 13:31 (UTC) - Expand

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